Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
