Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
