dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
