Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
