I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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