woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
