sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
