I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
too bad you live with your parents still
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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