oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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