If i come over, it means nothing
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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