Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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