I hope mine doesn't look like that
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
