I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
