you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
