What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
