i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
