Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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