i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
