And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
