Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
