I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
