if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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