i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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