oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We are two peas in an std pod
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
