The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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