Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
