the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
