This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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