My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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