there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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