you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
