we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
