So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
