I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
