God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Pants are for mortals
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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