Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
