Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
