On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
BRING THE BAGELS
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
