No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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