In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
