oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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