as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you traded sex for a burrito?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
