everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
