I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
