i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
