MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
