Your face is a jimmy john
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the condom got lost in my hair
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
