who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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