How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
