I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
