i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
