why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
