i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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