I just pynch a tree in the face
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
