my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
