I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
