i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
