Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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