He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
