She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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